Sports and Entertainment

 Tim Falletti

Hyperbole.  [hahy-pur-buh-lee] -noun.

1. obvious and intentional exaggeration.

2. an extravagent statement or figure of speech not intended to be taken literally, as “to wait an eternity”

None of which I am about to write is hyperbole.  None of this is exaggerated.  None of this is over the top figure of speech.   What I am about to say is all fact.  Zero hyperbole.

Last night’s gut-punching series finale episode was the best 90 minutes of television I have seen.  Ever.  Shawn Ryan and his brilliant team of writers did it.  They pieced together everything the audience wanted to see, and delivered on the promise that was first brought to our televisions seven years ago:  To bring us the most intense thought provoking drama to ever hit the airwaves.

I am about to get into spoiler territory, so please please please please stop reading now if you haven’t watched it.

Vic and his strike team have done some horrible things the past seven years.  Starting with the murder of a fellow officer at the hands of Vic himself.  Everything they ever done was wadded up and thrown at us in the finale, and in some cases, the outcome was devastating.

Shane - who killed fan favorite Lem two seasons ago - took his own life only after murdering his toddler son, and pregnant wife.  It was the most unsettling scene to watch not only because the build up has been so enormous, but because after seven years you care about these characters.  Seeing Shane pull that trigger, and subsequently seeing what he did to little Jackson, Mara, and unborn Frances Abigail…..who they named in the episode….was without a doubt a very Shakespearian ending to such a tragic story.

That doesn’t make what happens to Ronnie any less unsettling.  Ronnie, who throughout the course of the series has been the guy the audience is rooting for, takes the fall.  For everything.  Everything.  Vic sells him so far down the river that Ronnie is left to do the life sentence for all the sins Vic confessed to an episode earlier.  Seeing Ronnie’s reaction when he finally figures it out and is hauled off to his certain doom in jail….wow.

With the strike team’s story told, Vic’s personal life is now left in shambles too.  Corrine, Vic’s wife, is taken into protective custody.  All his police officer friends look at him like a common criminal, everyone at ICE and especially Olivia hate him.  They all know Vic for the monster he really is.  Vic is now left with no friends, no family, and no allies.  He burnt every bridge he ever made.  And now, he must live with all of it at a crummy clock punching desk job with no action.  Doomed to a life of mediocrity.  Truly a sad ending for our hero/anti-hero.

End Spoilers

With no more episodes to watch, we must now use our imaginations to determine the final outcome for the characters of The Shield.  Some character arcs weren’t wrapped up in a bow like many series finales over the years, and that to me is frustratingly beautiful.  There was a look of unfinished business in Vic’s eyes…but maybe I am looking too much into it.  The slow buzzing sound of the florescent lights  could be the true end to this magnificent series.   Either way, Vic and the rest of the barn and this one of a kind television series will truly be missed.

I wish I could make this stuff up.  Actually I don’t….then I would be someone that thought this was a good idea.  Here we have a “movie” (I put the quotes there because….ah hell you know why I put the quotes there) that is about 10 years too late.  Back when Jim Carey was funny…..ouch….seriously though, when was the last good movie he came out with?  23?  Not good.  Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind was decent…but not funny….The Truman Show?  Nope.  Liar Liar?  Yeah that was the last time Jim Carey made me giggle.  Ace Ventura was huge.  It had grown men saying, “Allllllrighty then” for years.  Some still do.  Anywho, when that movie and it’s inevitable sequel came out, the franchise was doing well.  It had a cartoon even.  But this?!  This is just something horrible.  I know it’s made for kids, and I know the fat kid is meant to be funny, but seriously?!  I don’t know of any kid that would want to watch this besides the fat kid that made it.  Ugh.  Anyway, here’s the trailer and the poster for you either laugh at or throw up on.  It’s direct to DVD so that should mean something.

And don’t forget the series finale of The Shield tonight!?!?!!  My full review will be up tomorrow.

Get Smart director Peter Segal will helm the DC comics hero Captain Marvel in a big screen adaption.  He and his Callahan Films partner Michael Ewing will also play parts in two more films as part of a three picture deal with Warner Bros.  (Part of the deal was to bring Captain Marvel with them…they have been working on it for two years now)

 Pic tells the story of teenaged Billy Batson, who transforms into the superhero when he says the word “Shazam!”

There’s not too much going on this week.  I heard that one of these movies is going to make a bajillion dollars this weekend.  My girlfriend would agree….

CHECK EM’ OUT

What is it?  Twilight.  Buffy er…. Bella doesn’t care what other chicks think about her in school.  Her mom re-marries and sends her to live with her dad in Washington.  She meets this dude.  He’s a vampire. He doesn’t suck blood.  He’s Angel….er Edward.  A clan of evil vampires led by Spike….err… James, come to ruin the party.

What’s it rated? PG-13 for vampiry action and sensuality.

Why should you see it?  Ok, it’s based off a teeny bopper chick lit book.  It has followings that will scratch your eyeballs out if you say the wrong thing.  The thing is, is that if you don’t see this “Harry Potter-esque” series, you are going to be like me and be out of conversations with people.  I know that isn’t a great reason to see a movie that is going to suck (get it? rimshot?!! Anyone?).  If you want to watch something good, watch Buffy.  It’s ten times better than this garbage…but unfortunately you can’t because your girlfriend is going to drag you to this.

What is it? Bolt.  Bolt is a dog.  He is on a cool television show that gives him super powers.  Unfortunately Bolt doesn’t know they are fake.  He gets lost, hilarity ensues.

What’s it rated?  PG for action and the dog being in peril.

Why should you see it?  The hamster.  If you see this with your kids or little brother, you will laugh your ass off at the hamster.  It’s not Pixas quality….but nothing is except for Pixar.  But…..it’s good.  Check it out.

THROW EM OUT

What is it?  Twilight.  I’m sorry….I just can’t give a recommendation to see this movie.  It’s against everything I believe in.  It’s going to be bad.

Why should you stay away?  Because you can watch Buffy!!!!  This is garbage.  Stephanie Meyers (the author of the Twilight series) just basically stole everything from Buffy, took away her slayer ability, switched the name to Bella, and slapped a new name on it.  There are werewolves (so does Buffy) there are good vamps and bad vamps (Buffy, Angel, Spike) high school…..love….just watch freaking Buffy.  It’s ten times better.

I didn’t read Nicholas Sparks books.  If you don’t know who Nicholas Sparks is, he is the author of “chick-lit” books such as ”A Walk To Remember”, “Nights in Rodanthe”, and most famously, “The Notebook”.  I just didn’t read his stuff.  It wasn’t in my jurisdiction as a reader.  I like Stephen King novels.  Max Brooks… I didn’t read his lovey dovey stuff.

Then out of curiousity, I read The Lucky One.  It tells the tale of a marine that finds this picture of this woman, and it becomes this good luck charm for him.  In order to thank her for literally saving his life, he goes on this mission to find her, and basically all that lovey dovey stuff happens.  What’s unique about the novel is that it really isn’t a chick-lit book.  There is more action and suspense in this book than in any other Sparks novel.  Needless to say, it’s in my top 5 books of the year.  I know…I may have grown a vagina.

Well Warner Bros. saw the potential in The Lucky One, and according to Variety, has optioned the novel for a full length feature film.  This almost comes as a surprise because the book came out like a month ago.  Go figure.  Apparently the deal is in the 7 figures…..so like millions of bucks.  I need to get cracking on my novel.

The film will be produced by Denise Di Novi, in what marks her fourth WB-based Sparks adaptation.  She did the Mandy Moore flick Walk to Remember, Nights in Rodanthe, and Message in a Bottle.

If you haven’t read The Lucky One, I suggest picking it up and giving it a shot.  It’s a quick, easy read.  It’s also very very good.

According to Variety it seems like another X-Men sequel is well under way over at 20th Century Fox.  The only catch is, is that writer Josh Schwartz is the one penning it.  You might remember Schwartz from such teenage bubblegum hits like the OC and the recent Gossip Girl television show.

The sequel - currently named X-Men:  First Class -  probably won’t follow too much continutity with the previous three X-flicks.  First Class is most notably a story about the teenage mutants at Xavier’s school for the gifted.  The comic line-up includes Iceman, Rogue, Angel, Colossus, Jubilee and Shadowcat, but the film will probably feature cameos from some of the main X-Men line-up and will probably feature more lesser-known mutants.

While this seems like a good idea on paper, you would think that 20th Century would have learned a lesson by The Dark Knight and Iron Man.  Making a teenage-centric movie will get the Twilight crowd in the theatre, but the more intelligent aged comic fans probably won’t give a crap.  If you make a movie smart, fun, and most importantly remain true to the source material, you should have no problem. 

Sassing up the X-men and giving them iPods and Facebook isn’t really that fun to me.  Nor is it intelligent.  I guess we will just have to wait and see the direction this actually goes.

Warner Bros. is starting the push to get The Dark Knight the respect it deserves.  WB has started posting these ads all over the place, and the advertisement below can be found in Variety. 

Will The Dark Knight get the nom?  It should.  Should Heath Ledger get an Oscar?  He deserves it.  Almost a billion dollars worth of sales would agree with those remarks, and in a time when Oscar telecasts are slumping in the ratings, what better way than to nominate The Dark Knight for everything so people will tune in?  The Dark Knight was the best film this year, and if it doesn’t win, then there is no justice in this world.

Every last one of these movies needs to be burnt Salem witch style.  I am serious.  These movies are horrible.  If aliens came to Earth and they want to see just one movie to judge if they will destroy us or let us live, and they just so happen to come across one of these spoof movies, then we are all doomed.

The Wayans Brothers can be funny when they want to (see Scary Movie 1).  They can also be really stupid (White Chicks).  This movie is going to fall in line with the Meet the Spartans and Epic Movies of the world.  No one cares about dance movies so I don’t know why anyone would care about Dance Flick.  A spoof on dance movies.  Ugh.  Someone take the Wayans out back and shoot them.

Aaron Eckhart who recently lit up the big screen as Harvey Dent/ Two-Face in The Dark Knight has signed on to star in Columbia Pictures’ newest sci-fi action adventure alien flick Battlefield:  Los Angeles. 

Chris Bertolini’s wrote the spec screenplay and it tells the story of a Marine platoon’s  battle against an alien invasion in downtown Los Angeles.   Eckhart will play the platoon leader. 

Eckhart who to me is one of the finer actors in showbiz today needs to headline more movies in my opinion.  This seems like a logical choice making him an action/adventure star, but from what I hear about the screenplay, it’s kind of garbage.  Garbage in an Independence Day kind of way.  (I liked ID4, it just hasn’t really stood the test of time).  Audiences will see for themselves most likely in 2010.

 “By excluding the human factor, aren’t we risking the kind of personal detachment from history that may, heaven forbid, lead us one day to repeat it? And in the end, isn’t the human factor the only true difference between us and the enemy we now refer to as ‘the living dead’?”  - Max Brooks: World War Z

This is good news indeed.  One of my all time favorite books (Don’t believe me?   Check out my facebook. )  is becoming a big screen flick.  Rumors were swirling around like crazy that this would eventually happen, but it seems it’s on the fast track because Marc Forster is set to direct World War Z.

What is World War Z?  It’s actually quite simple.  In 300 plus pages author Max Brooks faux chronicles the events that transpired between the human race and zombies…leading up to the Human/Zombie War.  It tells the tale from many points of view from doctors to rich celebrities.  The movie is said to feature the same kind of style, following a researcher (who many say Brad Pitt will play) who does the oral history. 

You might remember Marc Forster from this weekends Quantum of Solace.  That movie kicked ass so let’s hope he has another one up his sleeve.  This movie, if done right, could be one of - if not THE- best zombie movie ever.  The book was amazing, and if you haven’t yet read it, I say you should check it out before the movie hits.